im interwebs gefunden mit der bemerkung
"Thank you to whichever American wrote this :-) it's on point."
und, ist es
on point?
oder eher die pizza (bild)?
oder beides eher bloed?
[ ] ja
[ ] nein
[ ] sex
[ ] ananas
"Dear Diary 2020 Edition,
In January, Australia caught on fire. I don't even know if that fire was
put out, because right then we straight up almost went to war with Iran.
We might actually still be almost at war with them. I don't know,
because Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards show
and everyone flipped the f--- out, but then there was a thing happening
in China, then Prince Harry and Meghan peaced out of the Royal family,
and there was the whole impeachment trial, and then an itty bitty
no-name corona virus showed up in the US "officially," but then Kobe
died and UK peaced out of the European Union.
In February, Iowa crapped itself with the caucus results and the
president was acquitted and the Speaker of the House slo-mo ripped up a
speech, but then WHO decided to give this virus a name COVID-19, which
confused some really important people in charge of, like, our lives, so
they were thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then
Harvey Weinstein was found guilty, and Americans started asking if
Corona beer was safe to drink, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor
who just knew the flu killed way more people than all the dumb COVIDS.
In March, shit hit the fan and splattered onto everything. Warren
dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or
bust, but then Italy shut its whole ass down, and then COVID Not 1
through 18 officially become what everyone already realized, a pandemic
and then a nationwide state of emergency was declared in US, but it
didn't really change anything, so everyone was confused or thought it
was still just a flu, but then COVID Not 18 was like ya'll not taking me
seriously? I'm gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves and totally
infected Tom Hanks, but then the DOW took a shit on itself, and most of
us still don't understand why the stock market is so important or even a
thing (I still don't). We were all introduced to Tiger King. (Carol
totally killed her husband), and Netflix was like you're welcome, and we
all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the
first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross.
In April, Bernie finally busted himself out of the presidential race,
but then NYC became the set of The Walking Dead and we learned that no
one had face masks, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING
SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID, but then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back
to life… or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released videos
of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like geeze-us man, it's only
April….
In May, the biblical end times kicked off historical locust swarms and
then we learned of murder hornets and realized that 2020 was the start
of the Hunger Games and the "Task Force" forgot to let us know, but then
people legit protested lockdown measures with AR-15s, and then sports
events were cancelled everywhere. But then people all over America
finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There
were protests in every city, but then people forgot about the pandemic
called COVID Not One Through 18. Media struggled with how to focus on
two important things at once, but then people in general struggle to
focus on more than one important thing, and a dead whale was found in
the middle of the Amazon rain forest after monkeys stole COVID 1 Through
19 from a lab and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one
is keeping track of time now) that a giant asteroid narrowly missed
Earth.
In June, science and common sense just got thrown straight out the
window and somehow wearing masks became a political thing, but then a
whole lot of people realized the south was actually the most unpatriotic
thing ever and actually lost the civil war, and there are a large amount
of people who feel that statues they don't even know the name of are
needed for … history reasons..... but then everyone sort of remembered
there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was
somehow a god given right (still haven't found that part in the bible or
even in the constitution), but then scientists announced they found a
mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone
was like DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to
realize that people actually believed Gone With The Wind was like
non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange
radio signal coming from somewhere in the universe that repeats itself
every so many days, and everyone was like DON'T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO
COMMUNICATE WITH IT, but then America reopened from the shut down that
actually wasn't even a shut down, and so far, things have gone
spectacularly not that great bordering on disastrous, but everyone is on
Facebook arguing that masks kill because no one knows how breathing
works, but then Florida was like hold my beer and let me show you how
we're number one in all things, including new Not Corona Beer Corona
Virus. Trump decides now is a good time to ask the Supreme Court to shut
down Obama Care because what better time to do so than in the middle of
a pandemic, but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud coming
straight at us from the Sahara Desert, which is totally normal, but this
is 2020, so the ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud, but
then I learned of meth-gators, and I'm like that is so not on my f-ing
2020 Bingo card, but then we learned that the Congo's worst ever Ebola
outbreak is over, and we were all like, there was an Ebola outbreak that
was the worst ever?
In July…. Aliens? Zeus? Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self
aware?"
bild:
http://ana.ch/words/bilder/2020pizza.jpg
bilder:
http://ana.ch/words/bilder/
http://ana.ch/words/archive/?id=6725
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